Maggie Robinson

Aug 30
Enter At Your Own Risk

There are lots of articles regarding how difficult it is to write good sex scenes. Those of us who try to write know how true this is. My youngest daughter, the brat, used to work in a store where the employees would take turns reading “the good parts” aloud to each other when there was a lull. They’d snort and snicker in superiority, too young to appreciate they were still limber enough that any inane position they were mocking was still technically possible for them.

I came across the following. No author or title…I’m trying to protect the not-so-innocent.

“With unerring accuracy, he speared her humid depths in a single powerful thrust.”

This is wrong on so many levels. I’m thinking targets, forks, weather, rockets.

Contest!!! Please feel free to add a howler for our amusement from anything you are currently reading/have read. Or, write something bad yourself. Just one sentence, please. Oh, okay, more if you must. I’ll even add this authentic gem from my own writing:

“He entered her with no further preamble.”

Preamble! I hope his constitution was strong.

One random wit will receive September’s prizes. Winner and a new post on September 7.

24 comments to “Enter At Your Own Risk”

  1. Tessa Dare
     · August 30th, 2007 at 9:42 am · Link

    Oh, Maggie – another brilliant idea for a contest. The worst part about that quote, for me, is the “unerring accuracy” part. Does the guy often miss? If so, … Ouch!

    I have had so many howlers in past (oh, and probably current) versions of GOTH. One that still cracks me up that I can remember off the top of my head went something like this:

    “He could feast on her all not long and never be sated.”

    To which my brilliant CP CM said,
    “Sounds like ZOMBIES!”

  2. Azalea
     · August 30th, 2007 at 10:09 am · Link

    what an awesome game!

    I haven’t written a naughty bit yet (still a virgin in those waters ;D)

    I have written a little in another story of a good makeout session. It’s a little corny out of context:

    “Their noses met and danced in a hot little procession to find each other’s lips.”

    can noses dance? ;D

  3. MsHellion
     · August 30th, 2007 at 11:53 am · Link

    I will have to think about this. This is too delicious of a contest to pass up.

  4. terrio
     · August 30th, 2007 at 11:54 am · Link

    Z – LOL! I can just see those cartoon noses they have in those allergy commercials dancing around.

    I haven’t written a sex scene either. But a particular line came to mind as soon as I read this. I cannot however, post it since it’s from Tiff’s current WIP and she would kill me.

    Especially because I find it hysterical and I’m sure she thinks it’s hot. LOL!

    *ducking and running*

  5. BernardL
     · August 30th, 2007 at 12:10 pm · Link

    He aimed, fired, and blasted into the wrong target, evoking a startled scream of protest. 🙁

  6. TiffinaC
     · August 30th, 2007 at 1:54 pm · Link

    Here’s the one Terri thinks is freaking hilarious:

    “Dammit, he should have taken more time to carefully wash the traces of her sweet cunny from his face”

    I may have to delete it later….lol

  7. TiffinaC
     · August 30th, 2007 at 2:03 pm · Link

    Okay it’s not the only one….

    apparently I like the purple prose

    So close yet so far. She came, as he demanded… hard and furious, as he pumped into her body the sound of their flesh slapping spurning her on further, her juices slicking her thighs against his sac.

    DAng…it’s scary looking back.

  8. terrio
     · August 30th, 2007 at 2:08 pm · Link

    LMAO!!! I’m sorry but those just crack me up.

    I’m sure my comeuppance will hit me when I finally get around to writing my own scenes. What goes around comes around and all that jazz.

  9. Maggie Robinson
     · August 30th, 2007 at 2:53 pm · Link

    Oh, I’m loving these! I needed a bit of a pick-me-up since school started. Please don’t hesitate to share more, more, more!

  10. Sara Lindsey
     · August 30th, 2007 at 10:51 pm · Link

    From an erotica anthology:

    “He felt her ravaged pussy spasm.”

    “She felt herself cream.”

    I’ll find some better ones… you know this is my kind of contest!

  11. Ericka Scott
     · August 30th, 2007 at 11:18 pm · Link

    I’ve written quite a few howlers…but I’ll have to go searching for the funniest, wittiest, and weirdest!

  12. Maggie Robinson
     · August 31st, 2007 at 6:16 am · Link

    I’m counting on you to come back, Ericka!

    And I knew I could count on Sara!

  13. irisheyes
     · August 31st, 2007 at 8:22 am · Link

    These are hilarious! This is definitely not my forte, but I’ll be on the look out now and try to join in.

  14. MsHellion
     · August 31st, 2007 at 4:04 pm · Link

    “The world around her imploded, quaking outward on a sea of pleasure.”

    “At the feel of her warm wet core teasing at him, he steadied her rocking hips with his hands.”

    Yuck it up. From my first book–a horrible horrible scene.

  15. elyssany
     · August 31st, 2007 at 7:28 pm · Link

    From a published novel that is not only purple but tries to be um scandalous, I guess:

    “But his cock … he grasped her hips, holding er, and slid his burning cock beneath the vee of her buttocks and through the juices of her sex, and she saw the red purple of its head just poking from beneath her bush.”

    “I’m going to suck you like a lollipop.”


  16. TiffinaC
     · August 31st, 2007 at 8:12 pm · Link

    OMG Ely!!! Those are freaking hilarious… And I’ve read that lollipop line somewhere before.

  17. terrio
     · September 1st, 2007 at 12:19 am · Link

    This is from an erotica I just happen to have…err…sitting around.

    The *heroine* has just serviced the *hero* while he was driving.

    “And he knew it shouldn’t surprise him when she kept her pretty lips wrapped around him and sucked him completely dry, but it still did.”

    I’m going to go brush my teeth now…

  18. Anonymous
     · September 1st, 2007 at 7:03 am · Link

    I did not buy this book.

    Pinning her to the wall, the scalding thrust of his prick slid between her thighs and parted her aching flesh.

    Ouch. A little later…

    His knees bent and clasped the outside of her legs, winching them about his stiff staff.

    Double ouch.

  19. Janga
     · September 2nd, 2007 at 12:38 am · Link

    From a 2006 pub that shall remain nameless and which, I am happy to say, I won. I would hide my face in shame if I had paid money for this wallbanger.

    “His hand found her jean snap and flipped it open with dangerous dexterity as he rubbed against her.”

    “She shifted to take him to the fullest and knew the need to mate with him, to make him spill his seed into her. She wanted his babies.”

  20. Azalea
     · September 2nd, 2007 at 8:39 am · Link


    she wanted his babies!?!?


    Guys, these are hilarious.

  21. anne
     · September 2nd, 2007 at 7:01 pm · Link

    Ohmy, but these are … inexplicable. Hilarious. Lamentable. Utterly painful to read (and imagine). ROFL!

    But I do admit to being confused about something.

    Maggie, when you say how “the brat’ and her co-workers took turns reading–well, what were they reading? To these tired eyes, it seemed you implied that they were reading your own work!

  22. Lenora Bell
     · September 2nd, 2007 at 8:16 pm · Link

    Hilarious contest, Maggie.

    He wanted to savor her clasping tightness around him, push in slow inch by slow inch.

  23. Maggie Robinson
     · September 3rd, 2007 at 12:05 am · Link

    Lenora, clasping? I just think of jewelry, which I suppose is possible nowadays.

    Anne, no no no. Paperbacks were available for sale and Daughter #3 (who kind of objected to being called the brat because, really, she’s pretty perfect) “previewed” them with her little cohorts. She reads the blog but not my books!

    Janga, I prefer dangerous dexterity to calm clumsiness myself.

    Ely, I will never eat another Tootsie Pop without thinking of you.

    Hellion, quake onward and upward!

    Terrio, don’t forget to use some mouthwash too. *g*

    Anon, I love alliteration but stiff staff is really ridiculous!

  24. Keira Soleore
     · September 7th, 2007 at 5:49 pm · Link

    Dear Maggie and other commentators on MRMR:

    Due to a wide of health reasons and family issues, I’m drastically limiting my blog and board posting. I’m sorry to say this is one of them. However, I’m sure I’ll see all of you elsewhere on the blogosphere.

    Warm wishes and speedy writing!